


Running Scared

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:14:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair and Jim are together at last, but there's an ex-lover for Blair to contend with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running Scared

**Author's Note:**

> This story comes to you via the assistance of some great writers and IRC friends. Fortuita and Noon have been supportive from the get go and I'd offer to give them my first born, but I *like* them. Special thanks to Debra Fran Baker for doing such a wonderful blue pencil job. Anyone reading this needs to thank her too, you have no idea what it looked like *before*. Fortuita has chased away the purple prose, if you find any left it's entirely my fault.

## Running Scared

by Virg Vaughn

Author's webpage: <http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Stage/2326/virgfort.html>

Author's disclaimer: All the really good characters belong to the suits. So just in case no one noticed - Jim and Blair are the property of Pet Fly, Paramount and UPN. We only wish they were ours. I also shamelessly stole lyrics from Roy Orbison and a piece of poetry from Shelley, but since they are both dead I'm hoping they won't mind.

* * *

*Just running scared, each place we go. So afraid that he might show* 

It was Founders' Day and the open air festival at Cascade Park was in full swing. This year's gathering was especially large, the unusually fair weather enticing hoards of Cascade citizens to converge on the park with kids and dogs in tow. Blair immediately sized up the situation and led his Sentinel through the crowds to the edge of the park, find a spot for their cooler and blanket on a small rise, a little away from the worst of the throng. 

Laying back on the blanket, Jim relaxed in the warmth of the sun. It was one of those rare golden days without a cloud in the sky and no danger of the capricious Pacific Northwest weather ruining the glorious spring afternoon. He wouldn't have admitted it, but he was glad that he'd finally agreed to come. The eager smile on his Guide's face was payment enough for the pounding tension headache that was sure to follow today's outing. Noisy crowds were not his idea of a good time. The cacophony of sounds, smells and constant motion bombarded his Sentinel senses, squeezing all the pleasure out of large gatherings. 

The young anthropologist was enjoying himself, playing hackey sack with an assortment of teens and twenty somethings he'd just met. Jim envied Blair his effortless ability to connect with strangers, to feel at ease in their company. There were very few people Jim could be entirely comfortable with. His nature was too reserved and cautious to permit him to enjoy the kinds of casual contacts his partner thrived on. 

The warmth of the sun sank into his bones, soothing the assortment of bruises, aches and pains he'd gained during a messy bust the night before. Through half closed eyes he watched the younger man with pleasure. Blair leaped and kicked, effortlessly keeping the tiny beanbag in the air. Sentinel sight focused on the undulating muscles under the oversized shirt and ragged jeans, the grace and constant motion that were unmistakably Blair. They needed this down time, this chance to relax and reconnect. The past few months had held an oppressive workload for both men. 

The sleepy Sentinel smiled, thinking about their latest contretemps. Shortly after their arrival at the park, Blair had wandered off to observe the activities, leaving his partner to enjoy some solitary relaxation. Gleeful over finding an unattached man, a beautiful and predatory redhead swiftly set her sights on Jim. Almost before he realized what was happening, she had situated herself next to him on the blanket, making her intentions blatantly clear. Blair returned to find the woman talking animatedly and resting her red-lacquered talons on Jim's arm. 

Jim's angry beloved had snatched away the woman's hand and insinuated himself between the two of them. He barely managed to smother his laughter at the way the younger man had huffed and snarled and driven off the chagrined woman. Blair was _not_ amused and for a while he refused to leave his Sentinel's side. Taking pity on his lover, Jim tried to convince Blair he was safe from the wiles of Cascades rapacious female population. With a skeptical snort, his partner had finally given up defending his mate and gone off to join the impromptu game. 

A cooling of the sun's warmth woke Jim from his doze, alerting him to someone casting him in their shadow. Wondering idly if the redhead was dense enough to make a second try, he blinked up at the brightly outlined figure. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, before recognition slammed into him. 

"Alan?" He could hardly believe his eyes. 

"In the flesh . . . how you doin' Jim?" 

It was the same rich, deep tone that had echoed in his mind for months after the last time he'd heard it. Climbing unsteadily to his feet, Jim swallowed hard, the movement almost nauseating him. Or was it the knotting of his stomach and the hammering of his heart that gave him that feeling? 

"I thought you were living in Seattle. What are you doing back in Cascade?" His voice sounding unnaturally rough. 

"I got a little homesick and decided it was time to look up old friends." There was that grin, that knowing twist of lips that always captivated him. 

Hesitantly, he stepped closer to Alan, tentatively reaching out his hand. The other man chuckled and threw both arms around Jim, squeezing him tight. 

"I've missed you, much more than I thought I'd ever miss anyone." 

Jim didn't know how to respond. His momentary hesitation was his undoing. Breathing in the scent that was unmistakably Alan, he clung to the other man, his body responding to the touch of his former lover. 

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

*Yeah, running scared, what would I do  
If he came back, and wanted you?* 

"Hey Chief, you awake?" 

Keeping his voice low on the chance that his partner might actually be sleeping, Jim slipped off his boots and mounted the stairs to their bedroom. The night's stakeout had been successful beyond his wildest dreams, neatly netting the drug kingpin they'd been after. For once, even the booking had gone smoothly and he was home hours earlier than he'd expected. 

Blair had missed the stakeout at Jim's insistence. The grad student's favorite author was in Cascade on a book tour and scheduled to lecture at the university that night. He knew how much Blair hated stakeouts and how often he had missed out on doing too many of the things he loved. Jim had been adamant, holding his ground against all arguments until his Guide and reluctantly agreed to take the evening off. 

"I didn't hear you come in. Man, you startled the hell out of me." Blair was sitting on their bed stripped down to t-shirt and boxers. The younger man looked deliciously contrite as he swiftly closed the slim volume on his lap. 

"Didn't want to make a lot of noise in case you were sleeping. What's that you're reading now?" Sliding onto the bed, Jim reached for the book. 

"I found it when I was reorganizing to make room for the books I bought tonight." Blair refused to meet Jim's eyes, his gaze sliding away to a point just over his lover's right shoulder. 

"I had almost forgotten about this." Jim examined the volume, a slow smile spreading across his face. He caressed the cover with great care. 

"There were a couple of pictures inside." 

Looking intently at his Guide, Jim nodded, "And you want to know about them?" 

"Only if you want to tell me." The younger man curled up, clasping his arms loosely around his knees. Finally meeting Jim's gaze, he blushed again, the rosy flush rising up his neck and spreading across his cheeks. 

The book fell open to a much read page. Scanning the words, Jim was suddenly awash in memories and almost without thinking he murmured the words. 
    
    
         Like the ghost of a dear friend dead
         Is Time long past.
         A tone which is now forever fled,
         A hope which is now forever past,
         A love so sweet it could not last,
         Was Time long past.
    

Startled at how his mind had wandered, Jim stole a quick look at his Guide. Blair was staring at him, amazement plainly written on his face. 

"What's the matter Chief, didn't you think I had it in me?" He tried to push down the feeling of annoyance. It wasn't that he was afraid Blair thought of him as an illiterate lout, not exactly, but he hated feeling so much less than able to keep pace with the quicksilver mind of his lover. 

"No man, I just never dreamed that you'd be into Shelley" 

"Believe it or not, I actually did something besides chewing the covers off the books when I was in school." He winced a little at the curt sound of his reply. "This was a gift from an old friend, who thought my soul could use a little poetry." 

"The friend in the pictures?" 

"Yeah, his name is Alan Matthews." 

Blair looked down at the two photos laying side by side on the page. Watching with narrowed eyes while Jim absently stroked their edges. 

"How good a friend was he?" 

"The best Chief . . . he was the best. We met right after Carolyn and I split. He made a bad time a hell of a lot better than it could have been." Silence answered his revelation. The unusual response from his beloved went unnoticed, Jim was lost to his thoughts. 

Finally becoming impatient, Blair cleared his throat and blurted out, "So what happened?" 

"We weren't together very long. Alan was in town visiting family while he was between jobs. He was afraid I was on the rebound and I was just . . . afraid." The confession hurt. After all this time, the shame of his cowardice still burned bright and hot. "While it lasted, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Alan made me see that losing my marriage wasn't the end of the world. Loving him was so easy, but I couldn't admit it at the time." Jim shrugged and spread his hands. 

"I'm not a man to have regrets. I don't look back. But, I've always wished that I had been smart enough and strong enough to let him know just how special he was to me." 

Glancing over at his Guide, Jim was unsettled by the look on the younger man's face. The mobile features were blank and shuttered, his shoulders hunched. //Damn, what have I said?// 

"Look Chief, it was years ago. I haven't thought about him in very long time." Jim struggled with the need to express his love for the younger man. Finally, he gave up trying to find the right words and instead, placed a warm hand on Blair's shoulder, stroking gently. The tight muscles relaxed slowly under the caress and Blair eased slightly closer to him. 

"Mmm, That feels good." 

Jim closed the book and reached out to place it on the night stand. Taking his lover by the shoulders, he repositioned him face down on the bed. Straddling the muscular thighs, he began the long slow massage strokes Blair loved. Frustrated by the hindering t-shirt, he slid his hands up under the hem, running calloused palms over warm soft skin. 

A sound that was nearly a purr vibrated through the torso beneath his hands. Sentinel sensitive finger tips traced muscle and tendon, finding and patiently kneading away the knots of tension. 

"Keep that up, and I'll be asleep before you know it." 

"Do you really want to do that? Sleep's the last thing on my mind right now." 

Blair lifted his head and grinned back at his horny masseur. "Yeah, I can tell." He smirked and turned, reaching out to cup the hard lump that had been digging into his ass. 

"Knew you were a mind reader, Chief." 

Blair chuckled and worked the buttons on Jim's fly open with nimble fingers. Still straddling his lover, the older man unbuttoned his shirt, flinging it off with abandon. Then Blair's eager hands yanked his jeans down, dragging his underwear along with them. Jim shivered with relief as his aching erection was freed. 

Jim wrenched his jeans down from around his knees and kicked them off to join his shirt on the floor. Impatiently he grabbed the t-shirt hiding the delights of his mate's body and yanked it up and over the curly head, tossing it to the floor to join the growing pile of clothing. Blair's boxers were removed with one long, smooth pull and sailed to the top of the heap. 

Diving in like a hungry gull, the big man attacked his lover's moist lips, crushing them beneath his greedy mouth. Taste and touch, an explosion of sensations compelled his tongue to caress and plunder. Jim responded to Blair's throaty moan, deepening the thrusts of his tongue, his hips echoing the rhythm. 

Blair met each thrust with an answering buck of his pelvis, gripping the strong back and pulling the muscular body even closer. Finally, Jim broke the kiss to begin nipping and licking his way across the rough surface of the younger man's jaw. Sliding downward, heated skin pressed tight to heated skin, he mouthed the curve of neck and shoulder, sucking hard enough to bruise, hard enough to mark. 

The feeling of Blair's lightly furred flesh against his smooth skin was like striking steel to flint, each movement drawing sparks of reaction that shivered along hyper sensitive nerve endings. Nuzzling the thicker, coarser hair in the center of the fleecy chest, Jim inhaled the scent that was unique to Blair. Blair and pheromones filled his nostrils, sweeter than the sweetest nectar, mixing with the salty tang of sweat and arousal. 

Licking his way to a tightly budded nipple, he circled his tongue around the areola teasingly before gently sucking it in. A gasp followed by a moan encouraged him to suck harder, pulling the pliant flesh between his teeth. Releasing the reddened, swollen nipple, he moved on to give the other one similar attention. 

"Oh god, Jim-Jim-Jim, god, oh" Blair began the chant of disjointed words, gasps and moans that Jim loved to hear. His brilliant intellect was reduced to inarticulate, mindless groans. Success spurred Jim to greater efforts, working his way over the furry surface of his lover's flat stomach. Stroking his cheek across the impossibly soft hair over baby-tender skin, the Sentinel shivered with delight. Inching lower still, he licked a moist ring around the tiny, hollowed pucker of Blair's navel before tracing a path through the thicker hair that arrowed down to encompass his goal. 

Feeling hot breath along his throbbing cock, Blair bucked and thrashed, trying to get closer to his tormenter's mouth. Jim wrapped his legs around the feet that were fighting for a firmer purchase. Gripping Blair's writhing hips, he began long slow licks designed to drive the younger man to distraction. Circling the tip, he savored the feeling of the satiny, smooth skin and the bitter-sweet flavor of the glistening pre-come that had collected along the narrow slit. A hoarse exclamation rewarded his foray. 

Changing direction, Jim nuzzled at the delicate skin surrounding his lover's testicles. The deep, musky scent of his love's sex was intoxicating. Springy, tightly curled hair teased and tickled his friction sensitized lips. He gently sucked the tender orbs of Blair's testicles into his mouth. Laving the rounded surfaces with his tongue, Jim pulled gently, orchestrating another bout of gasps and moans. 

"Jim!" The rasping cry was a demand, a plea. 

So engorged the flared head was almost purple, Blair's erection was aching for attention. Jim softly mouthed the glans, before slowly inhaling the length. He swallowed every inch, as Blair almost levitated off the bed with a wail. 

Working from tip to base, Jim flicked his tongue over the, richly veined surface, extracting a groan from his guide. As his greedy mouth exploited Blair's cock, his sensitive Sentinel fingers caressed and stroked, rolling the smaller man's balls gently between his fingers, and massaging his perineum. Jim brought Blair just to the brink, then backed off to nuzzle and nip the skin of his sweat moistened inner thighs. Once his lover began to calm, he began his assault again, repeating the cycle over and over, until Blair's labored breathing resembled sobs and his heart beat a thunderous tattoo. 

"Please, ohpleaseohplease . . . ah, oh!" Blair rolled his head from side to side, his mass of curls tossed wildly and his eyes squeezed shut as he gasped out his entreaties. 

Pulling himself to his knees, he tugged Blair's thighs wider apart. Grabbing the lube from the night stand, he squeezed out a generous amount, transferring the slick gel into the tight opening between Blair's quivering ass cheeks. Jim coaxed the sphincter open, working in first one finger then two, easing them deep inside. Gently curling his fingers, he brushed the tips against his love's prostate, drawing another wail and convulsive thrust in response. 

Swiftly coating his cock, Jim positioned himself for entry. With a low, rumbling growl, he eased past the guardian muscle and slid home in one long slow stroke. Hot, tight flesh encased him, and he was lost to his mindless need for completion. 

Jim growled deep in his throat, gripping his lover's upper arms and shoulders, digging his fingers into the sleek, muscled flesh. The Sentinel reverted to his primal state, plunging and bucking, pouring his energy, his very life into their connection. Burying his face into the joining of neck with collarbone, the panther sunk hungry teeth into soft skin. He thrust powerfully, ensuring his essence was so deeply embedded it could never be removed. 

It was too intense to last. With a shout, Blair poured out his ecstacy. The rhythmic squeezing of his inner muscles pushed Jim over the precipice and the roar from the Sentinel's lungs reverberated with the sounds of the jungle. Collapsing, he was only peripherally aware of wrapping his arms around his Guide and rolling, bringing the smaller man up and across his chest. 

"That was pretty fucking impressive." Blair whispered against his neck with more than a hint of laughter. 

"Glad you agree, Chief." He couldn't keep the chuckle out of his voice. 

<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

*Just running scared, feeling low.  
Running scared. You loved him so.* 

Blair dropped his backpack by the door. He felt well and truly whipped. It had been a long day. His Anthro 101 class' lackadaisical study habits led him to question not only his teaching abilities but also his choice of careers. After listening to a near riot of pissing and whining, he'd lost his patience and laid down the law. Damn, it was maddening and the worst part was the underlying guilt he couldn't avoid whenever he felt he wasn't reaching his students. 

To top it off he was chilled and soaked to the skin. He'd naively believed that the sunshine this morning meant it was safe to leave the top down on the Corvair. 'What a putz.' Standing in the pouring rain fighting to get the rag top up was humiliating, not to mention freezing. 'Welcome to another disastrous day in the life of Blair Sandberg.' 

After he stripped off his sodden clothes, he had to grin when he saw the bruises on his shoulders and upper arms in the bathroom mirror. Leaning closer, he examined the magnificent purple welts at the base of his neck. Last night had been incredible. Jim was normally so compliant, letting Blair take the lead in their love making. The switch had astonished and thrilled him. In the short time since they'd begun sharing the big bed upstairs, he'd come to the conclusion that he would always be the dominant partner. Could his assumptions have been any more wrong? 

A hot shower helped to relieve his bone deep chill and to lighten his mood. Smiling, he inhaled the tantalizing smell of his new earth friendly shampoo. The tough guy would love this one. Jim had reluctantly admitted that the herbal and spice scented products that Blair preferred had driven him crazy for the past year. In response, Blair sought out the most exotic scents he could find, knowing that the subtle aromas would tease and titillate his Sentinel's preternaturally sensitive nose. 

Wrapping a towel firmly around his narrow hips, he took the stairs two at a time. He'd have to hurry if he was going meet Jim at the station. Blair felt a surge of happiness at seeing his things mixed in with Jim's as he rummaged through the closet for a pair of his newest jeans and his favorite flannel shirt. Just a few weeks ago the fulfillment of his dreams had seemed so far out of reach. 

As he tossed the clothes onto the bed, he noticed the volume of poetry was still on the night stand. Resolutely putting it out of his mind, he pulled on his clothes and got as far as the top of the stairs before he turned around with a deep sigh. It was no use, he couldn't help picking up the book and opening it to the page marked by the two photos. 

The first picture was of Jim and Alan standing side by side with their arms around each other. Alan was smiling into the camera and Jim had his face partially turned toward his friend. It was the expression on his lover's face that distressed him, the wistful half smile and the longing in Jim eyes. Something Blair had only seen directed toward himself. He'd thought of that look as belonging only to him. Incredibly naive, but there it was. How could he have imagined that what Jim felt for him was so unique? 

Shoulders hunched, he stared at the second photo. Alan in all his glory. He had the smooth classically handsome looks Blair had always secretly coveted. The guy was older, better looking and had a whole lot more in common with his rigidly disciplined lover. He didn't need to look at the picture anymore. The man's perfect features were indelibly etched in Blair's mind. . . . What hurt even worse was that Jim was obviously still in love with him. 

He slapped the book shut and marched across to the book shelf. Putting it carefully back where he'd gotten it, he resolved to never touch it again. Then a thought entered his mind as appalling as it was unwelcome. Jim . . . his Jim hardly ever initiated sex, had seldom felt the need to top. Could last night's atypical show of dominance have had something to do with the unleashed memories of his lost love? 

Just running scared, afraid to lose.  
If he came back, which one would you choose? 

The cold, wet North Pacific winter slowly yielded to damp, cool spring. As the passing days grew progressively longer and the rain less oppressively persistent, Mother Nature burst into bloom. Neither Blair nor Jim had the time or presence of mind to notice. Blair's commitments at the University grew steadily more demanding, while the warmer weather incited Cascade's criminal element to greater activity and a more creative pursuit of felony. 

The two men found themselves falling into bed most nights too exhausted to want anything more than the haven of sleep and the comfort of each other's arms. If Blair worried less about the depth of Jim's affection, it was because the grind of their daily existence as Sentinel and Shaman left him little time to brood. The times when they did make love were dear though hurried. He cherished their moments of shared passion, coveting them like precious gems. 

Jim was troubled about the air of sadness that seemed to hang over his partner, but could only guess at the cause or how to assuage it. The odd glances he occasionally gave Blair, the hesitant gestures of reassurance, went by without Blair's notice. Another man might have coaxed the anthropologist to talk about his feelings. Another man might have even forced the issue. Jim, hindered by his persistent inability to express himself except through touch and action, could only hold his lover tight and pray that it would be enough. 

Blair kept his doubts to himself. He'd lived through too many years of covering his feelings with a show of happy optimism, hiding his hurts behind a shrug and a smile - he was as good at repressing things as his Sentinel. The lack of time and energy for sex weighed heavily on him. Without the reassurance of their love making, he found himself waiting with dread for their affair to end the way all his others had. Only this time it would be more than he could bear. So, he found himself holding Jim tight and praying this time, when it meant so much, it would be enough. 

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

*Then, all at once, he was standing there. So sure of himself, his head in the air.* 

A slip on the grass gave extra momentum to Blair's kick and he landed hard on his back, the sudden impact forcing the air from his lungs. Once he caught his breath, he began to laugh and cheerfully accepted the outstretched hands that pulled him back to his feet. Glancing around he wondered if his Sentinel had seen the fall. He was surprised that Jim hadn't rushed to his side, full of concern. The thought was as comforting as it was embarrassing. 

He made his goodbyes and headed back to the knoll where he had left his partner, only to freeze in his tracks when he realized what he was seeing. There was Jim, _his_ Jim locked in the arms of another man. And there was something vaguely familiar about him. Without conscious thought, his betraying feet brought him closer to the couple. 

Recognition finally dawned. As if it had happened only yesterday, he remembered the picture of Jim with his arm around this man. 'Oh god, not now, please not now when we are finally together.' But it was true. The one person that held the power to take away his happiness, to steal away his lover, even now held Jim tightly in his embrace. And he knew the moment he had secretly dreaded for months had finally come. 

Blair couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't tear his eyes away. Struggling to make his legs obey his commands to turn him around and take him away as fast as he could run, Blair continued forward until he stood next to Jim and the man that Jim had never stopped loving. 

Had he made a sound? Just a small sound of despair? He didn't know, but suddenly Jim was looking at him, the pale blue eyes blazing with recognition and apology. Blair couldn't bear meeting his gaze for more than a moment before he had to look away. Then he was released from whatever had held him and he was running as if all the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. 

It wasn't until he reached the parking area that Blair realized they had ridden to the park together in Jim's truck. He laughed because it felt as if he didn't he would begin to cry and he wasn't sure once he started he'd ever be able to stop. He finally collapsed against the door of the truck, sliding down to the rough asphalt. Curling into a tight ball, he rested his head on his knees, struggling to think of what to do next. 

"Christ, for a short guy you sure can run fast." 

The words snapped his head back and amazement made his jaw fall open. 

"If you're ready to go now, Chief, I'll need to go back and get our stuff." 

Still too confused, too dazed to make a reply, Blair could only gape. 

"Keep it open and you'll start attracting flies." Jim reached down and gently closed Blair's mouth. "Would you like a hand up, or do you want to wait there until I get back?" 

Finally finding his voice, Blair leapt to his feet. "What are you doing here?" Not the most coherent statement, but it had to do. 

"This is where I belong Blair, with you." Opening his arms in welcome he gave a small oof, as the younger man flung himself into them. "No matter how far or how fast you run, I'll always follow. It's always been you, don't you know? You're the _one_." Jim whispered into the soft mop of curls pressed below his chin. 

Jim ran a hand over the silky length of his lover's hair. "Don't ever be afraid, Chief. I can't promise you much, but I can promise you that there will never be anyone else for me." 

A shuddering sigh escaped from the depths of Blair's chest. "I didn't know, you never said. . . ." 

Pulling back, Jim leaned forward until their foreheads touched. "I'm saying it now. I love _you_ , Blair, only you." 

And that was that. Walking hand in hand, ignoring any disapproving glances from strangers, they went back to collect their things, which amazingly had remained right where they'd been left. And for some reason, even though the shadows were lengthening as the afternoon slipped into early evening, the sun shone brighter and warmer than ever before. 

Running Scared 

Just running scared, each place we go.  
So afraid that he might show. 

Yeah, running scared, what would I do  
If he came back, and wanted you? 

Just running scared, feeling low.  
Running scared. You loved him so. 

Just running scared, afraid to lose.  
If he came back, which one would you choose? 

Then, all at once, he was standing there. So sure of himself, his head in the air. My heart was breaking. Which one would it be? You turned around and walked away with me. 

Roy Orbison 


End file.
